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Feeling unexcited

I remember the days when things used to really excite me. I had things I really enjoyed, and things I was really passionate about. Topics I wanted to study, subjects I loved to learn about just because they were interesting, books I fell in love with... things to talk about with other people.

I've found in the last few years, since before having Damon but definitely even moreso now, I have lost all passion in my life. Nothing excites me. There's nothing that I want to do/accomplish/learn about. I'm not driven to do "better things".

I'm so caught up in the day-to-day survival and menial crap, that I've forgotten the key part to being human - LIVING my life. Enjoying it. Getting excited. Having opinions. Having things to talk about with people - what I like, what I do in my free time (nothing, currently), what my goals in life are.

You want to know why I'm single? It's not because I'm a single mother (although that has it's drawbacks when it comes to dating, sure), it's because I'm BORING. Who gets excited about someone who is (A) fat to begin with, but also (B) has no goals other than making things better financially, working toward stressing less, and being able to feed/clothe/keep a roof over her kid's head? "What do you do in your spare time?" Uhm... I watch cartoons with my 2 year old and stress about money. I mean, really, that would set me running for the hills, so I don't exactly blame them!

I don't necessarily want a boyfriend, anyway. That's not the point. Sure, having some friends would be nice, having people to talk to occasionally other than my 2 year old would be VERY nice, but my point is I'm bland, boring, and I don't know how to change it.

How do you re-acquaint yourself with the part of your brain you've shut yourself out of for so long you've forgotten how to have fun? I don't know where to start, all I know is this is something that needs to change.


Scribble outside the lines
Melissa S. Masucci

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